Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Fixin' to go home


This is my first post on this site. I wasn't sure what exactly I was going to do, but I think, instead of my usual way of blogging, I'd just simply share my life, with the hopes that some of the stuff I go through, will help others to know they aren't alone, & to know there's always "light at the end of the tunnel."
So I'm fixin' to head home to where I grew up tomorrow (Annapolis Valley, NS) . My mom is making the 6 hour drive today to bring me and my 4 year old son home with her, tomorrow, just in time for Dad's 70th birthday on Canada Day (the 1st). There's always a great excitement for this annual trip. I admit the nostalgia is rather nice. But there's a lot of sadness as well, because my hometown has changed so much since I grew up there. A military base closed when I was going into grade 8, which changed the area almost overnight. That old base has become something altogether different in look and feel. The place is "dead" except for in the summer, since it's a tourist hot spot, being the oldest established settlement in Canada, in 1605 (Annapolis Royal). Most of the people I grew up with are long since gone. Trees have grown up, and the forest thickened. I scarcely recognize the paths I used to traverse as a child. And the biggest sadness for me, as silly as it sounds, is the maple tree on the front lawn; the one my brothers & I used to play in---our dad & his siblings before us played in----It had to be cut down because it was dying. All that remains is a tall stump that my father has planted Clamatas around. It looks so different, and where it's in the front yard, it's an ever present reminder of how things change. Whether we like it or not, they change. Not always for the better.
We can't hold on to childhood forever. Part of growing up is seeing that things do change. It's a natural part of life....and death....
A friend of mine was killed in a car accident very recently. We hung around in high school. He was such a sweet & funny guy! I will visit the place where he was killed. I will remember him. Things change. It's sad when it's things like that.
So tomorrow I leave to return to my hometown. I know I will enjoy myself, yet there will be that ever present feeling of loss---loss of something I can't get back; time; the past. My son will only know Nanny & Grampy's place as it is now--not as his mother knew it. Only through pictures will he see it, and exclaim, "Wow! It used to look like THAT?" With tears in my eyes, I will nod....and he will not understand those tears in my eyes....

RIP